There are many songs, quotes, etc. about when you’re down on your luck you find out who your friends are. I thought I had a lot of quality friends before my DUI and people I didn’t necessarily consider a good friend. Once I started opening up and telling people about my DUI and inability to drive and drink I actually did learn a lot about my “friends”.
Consistently I am excluded and “forgotten” about when people are making plans. One of my “best” friend’s was relocating to another state. She and I have been friends for at least 10 years. I knew she was having a going way party out at the bars. That weekend came and I was told nothing, which wasn’t totally abnormal. We usually make plans late. But Friday came and went. Saturday came and went. Soon enough it was Monday with no response from her. I texted her and tried calling her and her husband. But both ignored me. I knew they were going out drinking and I couldn’t partake, but I could still be there for their GOING AWAY party… I was cast aside. I’ve spoken to her since and she just avoids the topic. I’m not one to hold grudges so I don’t pester her about it. Ugh.
Another “best friend” had a birthday party out at the bars. She knows my situation. She told me the plan for the evening. The bars are a decent distance from me, but I was under the assumption she was going to pick me up that afternoon. I ended up taking a 5 hour nap (I sleep a lot now) and woke up at almost 7:30pm. She hadn’t texted or called or tried to get in contact at all. So I texted her and asked her about the plan. She claimed she was heading to the bar now and that she didn’t think I wanted to go. She is supposed to be my BEST friend… of course I want to go to her birthday celebration! Again, I couldn’t drink but I could be there to support her. Her response was to just risk driving if I wanted to come out. I think my jaw literally hit the floor when she sent that. I knew she wasn’t drunk at that point and how could she actually tell me to consider losing my license for an even longer period of time and be in more legal trouble when she or her roommate were supposed to pick me up that day. Ugh.
My own mother, who is also well versed in my situation, came to visit. She must have asked me to drink 100 times while she was here for 5 days. I’m still being drug tested at random and alcohol can be detected up to 80 hours later. Having a drink with my mom wasn’t something I was willing to go back to jail for. She wasn’t happy that I wouldn’t accept a drink, even after I reminded her every time that I can get in serious trouble for that. Ugh.
There are plenty of other examples where I get left out intentionally or forgotten about because I can’t drink and I can’t drive. Whether there people are subconsciously or intentionally doing it, I do not know. It’s just sad that drinking is such a large part of the lives of my friends that it makes them forget those who do not drink. There are some that still include me, even though I don’t drink and are overwhelmingly supportive. I hold them even closer to my heart now.
Some people have surprised me; my roommate for instance. She and I were not the closest before moving in together. I remember thinking that at least if it goes bad I’m not losing out on much. However, she has been the most supportive person through this whole venture. She went with me to my final court date, has driven me around to countless places, taken me to the grocery store, kept me distracted when I’m feeling super depressed. She’s gone above and beyond being a best friend. I am extremely thankful for her every day.
Side note: As a thank you gift I’m going to take her to Harry Potter Land at Universal when I’m off probation. She’s obsessed with Harry Potter and she’s gonna die from excitement when I tell her! But SHHHHHH keep my secret 😉
This whole experience has opened my eyes up to so much. Things that aren’t even on your radar when you’re a single 20-something who drinks all the time pop up when drinking is removed from the equation. When it comes to friends I’m happy to know who really holds me to heart and enjoys being around me sober.