Sobriety is hard. When everyone around you drinks it’s hard to say no. Every friend of mine is a drinker. We go out, we get drunk, we have fun. But I legally am not allowed to have even a sip of alcohol. It sucks. I’ve been drinking since I was 15 years old. The longest I have gone without drinking is like 3 weeks when I visited my grandparents one summer. You can now buy wine in the stores, but I can’t celebrate. The 4th of July is coming up, but no beer for me. I went to a craft brew tasting… I couldn’t drink even a sip. No homemade wine from my coworker. No whiskey or bourbon. No alcohol at concerts. No cooling pina coladas on the beach. Ugh. I’m trying not to put myself in a situation to tempt me, but honestly it’s almost impossible. I’m a freaking hermit crab now because drinking is involved in almost everything. I went to the pool today and one of the couples there was drinking margaritas. All I could think about was how wonderful a margarita would be while relaxing by the pool. I didn’t go to brunch because of the endless mimosa bar. I don’t even want to get drunk; I just want to drink casually. I think one of the hardest parts is that I don’t have the OPTION. Looking back on the drunken nights, that’s not what I miss. I miss the taste. I enjoy the taste of wine after a long day and the bubbles of a beer after a sweaty day outside and the warm burn of whiskey on a cold night. This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. And how sad is that? Alcohol is such a powerful drug. I’ve never felt this way with pain pills, pot, or cocaine. If those drugs are available I don’t always use them. But alcohol… why pass that up? It speaks wonders on how addicting alcohol can really be. It blows my mind. But for now, there is nothing I can do about. Not one drop of alcohol will be in my body for another year. Maybe over time I will be okay with it, but for now it’s BRUTAL.

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